Thread For Funny Stuff About Dogs/humor Thread

Ina

Ina

Well-Known Member
How to Photograph a Puppy​

  1. Remove film from box and load camera.
  2. Remove film box from puppy's mouth and throw in trash.
  3. Remove puppy from trash and brush coffee grounds from muzzle.
  4. Choose suitable background for photo.
  5. Mount camera on tripod and focus.
  6. Find puppy and take dirty sock out of the mouth.
  7. Place puppy in prefocused spot and return to camera.
  8. Forget about spot and crawl after puppy on knees.
  9. Focus with one hand and fend off puppy with the other hand.
  10. Get tissue and clean nose print from lens.
  11. Put cat outside and put peroxide on the scratch on puppy's nose.
  12. Put magazines back on coffee table.
  13. Try to get puppy's attention by squeaking toy over your head.
  14. Replace your glasses and check camera for damage.
  15. Jump up in time to grab puppy by the scruff of the neck and say "No..outside!"
  16. Call someone to help clean up the mess.
  17. Sit back in chair for deep breathing and resolve to teach puppy "sit" and "stay" first thing next morning.
 
Ina

Ina

Well-Known Member
This poem doesn't really qualify as funny, but it still fits this thread I think:

When God had made the Earth and sky, The flowers and the trees,​
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He then made all the animals And all the birds and bees.​
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And when his work was finished, Not one was quite the same.​
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He said, 'I'll walk this earth of mine, And give each one a name,'​
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And so he travelled land and sea, And everywhere he went,​
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A little creature followed Him Until his strength was spent.​
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And when all were named upon the Earth, And in the sky and sea,​
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The little creature said,'Dear Lord, There's not one left for me!'​
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The Father smiled and softly said: 'I've left you till the end.​
​
I've turned my own name back to front, And called you DOG, my friend.​

Author unknown
 
tx_cowgirl

tx_cowgirl

Honored Member
Staff member
AH another funny story.
When I was a kid we had a Bichon Frise named Corky. He was never a scrounger, and didn't regularly get into things, but once in a while he had a sweet tooth accompanied by naughtiness. Every year for Christmas, we get my dad Cordial Cherries. It's a tradition we've carried out all my life. One particular Christmas, we got them just a couple days before, and put them behind aaaaallll the other presents, carefully protected by other gifts. We came home Christmas Eve to find all the presents spread out, a few of them with the wrapping shredded--Mom thought we'd been robbed. The one tiny box at the back of the tree had been drug out and torn open, and little Corky had the remainings of Cordial Cherries all over his face, along with a bad tummy ache.
Another time, we had a little candy dish on an end table full of candy. We came home one day to find the lid broken in the floor, and a Bichon Frise with peppermints and suckers and various other bits of candy all over his face. How I wish we had a picture! He just looked at us as if to say, "Oh, hi! I was just watching the house, being a good dog. Haven't done anything but good since y'all left." He was so sticky. :ROFLMAO:

Also...Corky became diabetic in his elder years. If only he'd known his sweet tooth was bad for him. :D
 
Dodge

Dodge

Well-Known Member
Dr Smith sleeps with one of his patients in a weak moment.He is tortured with guilt.In one ear his conscience is saying . . . . . . . . . You are a single man!
:whistle:

:whistle:

:whistle:
Dont worry about it . . . . . . .

:whistle:

:whistle:

:whistle:

In his other ear his conscience is whispering . . . . . . . .
:confused:

:confused:

:confused:

:confused:
You are a bloody vet!!!

:ninja::censored:O_o:ROFLMAO:
 
bekah1001

bekah1001

Honored Member
A man went to visit his 90 year old grandfather in a very secluded rural area of the state he lived in.

After spending the night, his grandfather prepared breakfast for him consisting of eggs and bacon. He noticed a film like substance on his plate and he questioned his grandfather, "are these plates clean?"

His grandfather replied, "Those plates are as clean as cold water can get them, so go on and finish your meal".

That afternoon, while eating the hamburgers his grandfather made for lunch, he noticed tiny specks around the edge of his plate and a substance that looked like dried egg yokes, so he ask again, "Are you sure these plates are clean"?

Without looking up from his hamburger, the grandfather says, "I told you before; those dishes are as clean as cold water can get them. Now don't ask me about it anymore!"

Later that afternoon, he was on his way out to get dinner in a nearby town. As he was leaving, his grandfather's dog started to growl and wouldn't let him pass so he said, "Grandfather, your dog won't let me out".

Without diverting his attention from the football game he was watching on TV his grandfather shouted, "Cold Water, Go lay down!"
 
Anneke

Anneke

Honored Member
This thread is not good for me... I can't stop laughing!!!

Ok, my recent funny experience with Jinx...
I found a new spot to go for a walk. I had been there once before, in wintertime. As both my dogs love to swim, I try to find new, quiet spots to go to, so I can let Cooper have some off leash fun too(he does not appreciate other male dogs:rolleyes:) This spot allows me to park near the river, cross a small meadow to reach the riverbank, so the dogs can have fun. Then I can let them dry off, during a walk in the woods.
So I drive up, park the car and see some young cows in the meadow. Bummer... I get the tennisballs out and start throwing. Both dogs have fun running after them. And although I am not directly near the meadow, the young cows become curious and come running towards the fence, just as I throw the ball into that direction.... Jinx sees the cows and starts to chase one of them. She has become deaf to my calling her, so all I can do is grab Cooper and wait for her to come back.
She is having loads of fun, chasing the one cow.
But I see the other three running after her!! At one point, she looks back when she hears me whistle. And then sees the other cows are chasing her!!! I remember seeing the look in her eyes change. WHAAAAAAA HELP!!!!
She comes running back to me, chased by four cows!!
I calmly put her on the leash and walked away, then couldn't hold it in and burst out in laughter!!
That was my little girls first "herding" experience! A herding dog, being herded by cows:D:LOL::ROFLMAO:

Ow and Cooper...
Although he grew up with two, and still lives with one cat, as soon as he sees a cat out on the street, he will chase that cat. Just to chase it, not to hurt it.
One day we come home from the dogschool. Just after ten in the evening. Parkinglot is empty, so I let him out of the car off leash.
As soon as he is out, he spots this cat sitting on the other side of the parkinglot and starts to chase it. BUT this cat didnot feel like it. At first he runs away, then changes his mind, stops and turns towards cooper, hissing and making himself big, all the hairs standing out.
Cooper makes a sliding stop and looks at the cat, with an expression that seemed to say: what the heck is that??????You are not supposed to do that!!! Then looked back at me and back to the cat as if to say: do you see that???
I call him, but I see him doubting. Then the cat lunges forward, hissing again. And cooper comes running to me, tail between his legs...:ROFLMAO::LOL: I put him on leash and we walk past the cat. He is still looking up at me and then to the cat. He really had no idea, what to make of it:D:D
 
Lexy88

Lexy88

Well-Known Member
Lol I used to dairy farm and I took my old dog Jethro [black lab] along with me most days as they were incredibly long working days and he would otherwise be home alone. He loved it. I grew up on a farm and so did my Jeth so it was all quite normal for him. He would run alongside my dirt bike when I went about doing farm work or ride in the tractor with me. One day I went to get the cows [600 of them] in for milking and some young heifers decided to have a go at Jethro. Jethro follows me on the bike. I follow the cows. The cows were following Jethro. It took me a few minutes to realise we were all running in circles chasing each other!! :p
 
Boo'sGirl

Boo'sGirl

Member
LOL!!!:ROFLMAO: OMG I CANT STOP LAUGHING! lolz one thing my dog does is she acts like she needs to go outside and then you open the door and she runs away in the opposite direction. Then if we nudge her outside she refuses to come INSIDE and she gets up on the TRAMPOLINE and starts bouncing. meanwhile rachel will be sitting there watching bella jump up there and then boo will get down and bolt across the room.
 
Lexy88

Lexy88

Well-Known Member
THE DOG'S DIARY
8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Dinner! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
THE CAT'S DIARY
Day 983 of My Captivity
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates my capabilities. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Bastards!
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow, but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released, and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird must be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now ...
 
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